Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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