How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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