i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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