I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
