so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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