i dont even know how to be here
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
