I skipped work to stalk him.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This baby is an asshole
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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