You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
