for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
