How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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