her vagina looked like bernie madoff
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
