Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
