Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?