You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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