3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
