Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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