i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
