also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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