her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
