All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
not ubering you a puppy
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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