I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
