fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
