hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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