I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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