OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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