so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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