her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
