Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize