I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
