Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
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Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize