I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
