We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize