she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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