Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
