you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
