WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
