What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
