toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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