Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
