Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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