doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
