I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had to cum in my sink.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
