im having a threesome with these popsicles
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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