Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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