mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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