Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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