We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
