I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need to sanitize my soul.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
