I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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