I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
