Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
