Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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