hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
