In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
