After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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