My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
