I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
