she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
