Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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