The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize