Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
