so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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