I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
