How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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