Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
