His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
