I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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