in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
