Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
