R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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