The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
