I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
