so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
this is an emotional support booty call
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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