He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
