It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
