Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
