this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
