I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
