i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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